FIFA, that impregnable bastion of ethical behavior and good-faith dealings has a warning for those nations bidding for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups: don't do any deals you sneaky bastards.


Good for FIFA, laying down the law and nipping any backroom vote-trading in the bud.  The World Cup bidding process is a serious endeavor that deserves the respect of the nations involved; vote-trading is unseemly, illegal, and unfair to those nations that should be granted a World Cup on the merits of their bid, and the merits of their bid alone.

"We will send reminders on the rules and conduct via our ethics committee. There are a lot of rumours around 2018-22 but I think we are monitoring efficiently what is done by the nine bidders, and we will also inform our executive committee members again at our next meeting in October about such rumours on vote-sharing and their responsibility." -FIFA secretary general Jérôme Valcke

Shame on you, members of FIFA looking to game the system.  What would the long line of upstanding men who preceded you say about your shenanigans?  Who do you think you are, the IOC?  How dare you conspire to sully the name of an organization whose reach across the globe makes the United Nations green with envy.  I dare say that even if the United States might benefit from you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours it would sour the joy of landing another American World Cup.  Who would want an ill-gotten tournament?


BWHAHAHA!


What?  Who are we kidding here?  FIFA is telling bidding nations to play by the rules?  The only rules that truly exist within the not-so-hallowed halls of the Fedération Internationale de Football Association are the ones that funnel money into the pockets of its collection of greedy scoundrels.  Some of the things that happen within FIFA would make Gordon Gecko blush. Telling federations not to deal for votes? Is there a clearer case of pot-and-kettle in the history of mankind?


Trading will happen, no matter what Valcke says about "monitoring" the bidders.  And to be honest, if the US ends up with winning a bid, I won't care a bit about how it happened, vote-trading or no vote-trading.


Best. Warning. Ever.  Thanks for the laugh, Jérôme.