Here's a treat for our readers. During the Brazil - North Korea game, we've managed to get hold of the Party's official live commentary feed, and we will be bringing it to you as events happen during the game. Stay tuned for live coverage!

1st Minute: For the glory of the party and the Dear Leader, our heroic players have begun their inevitable triumph against the weak capitalist puppets of Brazil.

4th Minute: The glorious heroes liberate the oppressed ball from Western lapdogs.

5th Minute: The glorious heroes have invaded the corrupt Western half of the field. All glory to the working class!

8th Minute: The opressed ball is unwilling to allow corrupt Robinho to harass the heroic net.

11th Minute: All glorious heroes wishing to avoid reeducation are advised to begin winning.

18th Minute: Glorious heroes defending like mighty boulder against flower petals.

26th Minute: Glorious heroes have Brazilian pig-dogs cowering like Americans in Seoul.

31st Minute: Corrupt Western referee denies penalty to wronged glorious hero.

39th Minute: Natural Communist industriousness of Glorious Heroes is forcing the corrupt Westerners to bow down to the brilliant tactics and training of the Dear Leader!

HALFTIME. Half of the game is over. Devoted servants of the Dear Leader may now rejoice by clapping three times. No more, energy must be reserved for the service of your great country.

46th Minute: And now for the second half. The Glorious Heroes know the consequences if they lose.

50th Minute: Corrupt Western referees give a free kick to diving pig-dog.

54th Minute: Selfish players will be re-educated!

56th Minute: The Brazilians have not scored! The displayed scoreline is a Capitalist dirty trick. The replays were faked. It is not 1-0. All glory to the Dear Leader!

60th Minute: Enjoy this ten-hour compulsory documentary of the Dear Leader's glorious life.

61st Minute: There is a keeper in this game who does not value his family's lives very highly.

72nd Minute: The score is not two-nil. These are despicable Western lies to demoralize the great workers of North Korea. The Dear Leader would not allow such a travesty to happen. The Brazilians have not scored.

84th minute: The glorious heroes have scored 14 goals. The corrupt Western puppets of the evil Americans are bowing down to the superiority of the Korean workers. The score is 14-0 to the glorious nation of Korea! All glory to the Dear Leader!

89th Minute: The Glorious heroes of Korea have scored their 15th goal! All glory to the dear leader!

FULL TIME: The match has ended. The glorious nation is victorious by 15 goals to none. All hail the Dear Leader.

These are not North Korea fans

Adjunct to the action on the pitch in South Africa is the cultural voyeurism of the stands; every national team pulls along a contingent of adventurous fans with them in their wake, complete with the nationalistic accoutrement needed to properly support their homeland.


These fans are the plumage of the Cup, the extra bit of color and spirit that helps us enjoy the game from afar as we watch on our televisions. Even if the fans themselves might be more performance troupe than die-hard spectators, they're still there to will their side to victory through song, dance, headgear, flags, body paint and the like. The depth of learning about their culture is hardly worth mentioning (because it isn't really there. It's like going to Jamaica and never leaving the resort; you've been to Jamaica, but you haven't really been to Jamaica.), but they serve to make the World Cup the sort of eclectic footy carnival that most of us imagine it to be.


The Dutch, the Brazilians, the English, the Aussies, the Germans, the Mexicans, the Italians, and particularly in this tournament, several African nations; the list of countries with famous and jovial travelling support is long and getting longer. Even the neophyte Americans are figuring out how to get to the World Cup in larger numbers and with Uncle Sam hats in tow. And in the most kumbaya of ways, and forgetting the shady business of Sepp and his pals, this is what we want the World Cup to be about; national pride, the non-threatening type, on full display.


So what are we supposed to make of North Korea? Their people banned from international travel, and ex-pats risking harm to their families if they publicly gather, there is no real North Korean fan presence in South Africa. In attendance tomorrow against Brazil will be a few authorized government officials and a small number of North Korean ex-pats living in Japan. Part of the global football community as participants on the field, but removed from the cultural exchange because their government restricts freedom on an unadulterated scale, North Korea is largely missing from our World Cup menagerie.


As long as FIFA is unaware of meddling (or willfully ignores it) on the part of the North Korean government in soccer affairs, the team will continue to figure for World Cup qualification. That they made South Africa came as a surprise to many, and while the conventional wisdom is that Brazil will steamroll them tomorrow, they carry an intriguing air of mystery. It's been forty-four years since they last appeared on international soccer's biggest stage, when they managed to shock Italy. They tried to con FIFA this time around by listing a striker as a keeper, their best player (the North Korean Wayne Rooney) thinks they can beat Brazil, and the team has cloaked themselves in secrecy since arriving in South Africa.


North Korea is like that kid in your neighborhood when you were growing up with the overbearing parents, who, when they did concede to allow him to play, stood hawkish in the window during the game before calling him inside half an hour before anyone else was ready. Naturally, we feel sorry for the kid. It's not his fault his parents are crazy, unfair, overprotective. He just wants to play, and he'll take what he can get when he can get it.


Amazingly, North Korea has some measure of support from fans of other nations. They're a curiosity, and since nothing much is expected of them, it's a low-risk proposition to throw nominal support their way as they face down powerhouses Brazil, Portugal, and Côte d'Ivoire. The underdogs of underdogs, they get the "special" treatment. It's a bit of pity more than anything else, a bone thrown to one of the least-regarded teams in the tournament from the country run by the crazy dictator with the funny glasses. It would turn the soccer world on its ear if North Korea shocked the world again, so we find a way to root for them, even if it is just a touch tongue-in-cheek.


It's a pity that their own fans won't get to share in the moment or take part in the carnival. Who knows what color they might bring?


This post is built on the back of that Run of Play piece linked above and a clever title that simply came to mind and may or may not reveal something about me.