-Jason Davis

In a move certain to reverberate across the American soccer Interwebs as tens of people to spew forth angry missives on the intransigence of the league, MLS President Mark Abbott once again reiterated that the top level of the sport in the United States and Canada will not adopt any of the following at any point that anyone with the leadership of MLS can foresee:

1. Promotion/Relegation

2. Single Table format

3. Change of seasons to "traditional" (read: European) calendar

There are no expectations that Abbott's most recent pronouncement, which does not represent a new line of thinking on the part of MLS and therefore stretches the definition of "news", will stop champions of one or more of the above policies from continuing to annoy anyone that will listen with their proclamations that American soccer will die (DIE!) without one (or more) of them installed post-haste.

Speaking Thursday with the Associated Press Sports Editors, MLS President Mark Abbott said "promotion-relegation is not something we're looking at.''

"I don't see that in the future, certainly in any reasonable future for us,'' he said.

Rumor has it that Mr. Abbott laughed maniacally after finishing his comments, throwing his head back while stroking a white cat that rested in his lap. There is no truth, however, to the report that he said those fans who couldn't deal with this news should "get a life and stop believing that everything that happens in Europe is better."

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