I'm not a fan of power rankings. Everyone does them, they usually provide no real insight, and they're ultimately meaningless; shouldn't we know who is good and who is not based on the standings? Sure, we still have conferences, but the schedule is balanced this year, meaning that throwing everyone into a single table should presumably provide an accurate picture of quality.
That being said, I understand the appeal. Everyone wants to know where their team ranks in the minds of others, and power rankings create a natural point of debate even if you don't have a vested interest in the order. Hell, Americans just like to rank things, so we do.
But I just can't get myself to do it. You want to know who I think the best team in the league is? Just ask (LA by the way). You want to know who I think is the worst team in the league is? Just ask (tough to pick anyone other than DC at the moment). Everything in between is a giant crap shoot of a free-for-all, and separating the FC Dallas' from say, the San Joses is literally impossible.
So instead of the usual power ranking nonsense, I give you a Friday post involving the ranking of random MLS-related items born of an addled brain, a lack of any real motivation, and the cumulative effect of too many late nights. And yes, I realize this is in no way an original idea.
1. REFEREES!
Controversy is fun, unless you're on the wrong end. MLS refs have taken it on the chin so far this year for some outright wacky calls, and last night's penalty decision by Terry Vaughn did nothing to stem the tide. I say keep it up.
2. DPs!
A change in the rules, a World Cup year, and owners with Scrooge McDuck-like vaults of cash just waiting for an over-the-hill Euro to swoop in and boost the marketing profile; it's a recipe for rumor the likes of which we have never seen before. It's all so very exciting.
3. GRASS!
From Toronto's grassy debut, which was better than the turf but still sorta crap, to PPL's newly laid sod, grass is shooting up the rankings like cigar-shaped rocket, lit on one end and spewing smoke in a thick cloud of sense-altering goodness. Or something. Who doesn't like more grass?
4. ATTENDANCE!
Good, bad, and mediocre, everyone is talking MLS attendance. Seattle gets 30k+, Toronto sells out, Philly got off to be big start while Dallas holds intimate gatherings, the Red Bulls lose half their opening number, and people have even taken to forecasting the size of crowds. Bad attendance gets more attention than good attendance, and so it's with a heavy heart that I inform you that every possible joke has been made at FC Dallas' expense. Moving on.
And...I'm done. Are there more things to rank? Probably. Maybe I'll do a power ranking of the fan bases' relative comfort a few weeks in, from relaxed to riddled-with-stress-related-ailments. Hell, let's do that now.
1. LA
Duh.
2. NYRB
Giddy.
3. San Jose
"We're better!"
4. Columbus
Annoyed, but they know they're good.
5. Kansas City
Pretty damn happy I would imagine.
6. Seattle
Grumble, grumble, third in the table
7. Philly
Hey, it's an expansion team.
8. New England
I can't tell, honestly.
9. Houston
Faith in Dom.
10. Colorado
Middle of the pack in everything they do.
11. Real Salt Lake
A good team with far too few points.
12. FC Dallas
...
13. Chivas USA
Struggling.
14. Chicago Fire
Bitter.
15. Toronto FC
MO MUST GO!
16. DC United
Life is pain.
Alright, enough of this messing around. Happy Friday everyone. If you want to rank something, it's anything goes in the comments, so have at it.
