Get me out of this thing!

The internet has exploded recently with the revelation that this decade's "Savior of English Football™," Wayne Rooney, is intent on leaving the favorite team of that friend of yours who also likes the Yankees, Cowboys, and Lakers. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth.

But the situation raises one very obvious question: Where will Wayne Rooney go? If he stays in England there are so very few clubs that could afford him and give him the chance at success that he surely craves as a top player. Chelsea don't really need him, with Drogba being Drogba (plus John Terry wouldn't want the competition for skanks), a move to Man City would be more controversy that Rooney doesn't need, and Arsenal wouldn't pay that much for any two players, much less one with his personal problems.

Internationally, Barcelona don't have the money or the need for a player without "Barca DNA." You can count Inter Milan out, too, since Rafa Benitez and S'ralex are hardly are speaking terms. The most likely destination would be to Real Madrid, and their Ferguson-admiring manager Jose Mourinho. But they too, have recently ruled themselves out of a move.

But there's another option. A league backed by billionaires with the desire to move shirts, fill seats, and make a name for itself on the World Stage: Major League Soccer.

Now obviously, there would be a language barrier, but there are many potential benefits for Rooney. Consider:
  • The anonymity: Thierry Henry, a player who has been famous for much longer and achieved much more than Rooney, can take the commuter train to work.
  • We could send him to Salt Lake so he could join a splinter LDS church and have as many extra women as he wishes.
  • He'd get to have playdates with the last Savior of English Football™ and fellow purveyor of terrible English facial hair, David Beckham, much more regularly. We'll get MLS to throw in a case of Lego bricks to sweeten the deal.
  • He'd still get to play for England. It's not like Kevin Davies is going to take his place.
  • It'd be well-received by soccer history buffs if he calls the whole thing an homage to George Best.
  • He can go on Kyle Martino's show whenever he wants. Pinky swear.
  • He can have his own Herbalife Franchise.
  • Weekend benders with Peter Vermes.
  • In-depth "interviews" with Julie Foudy before every game, because we heard he likes older women.
And that's just scratching the surface. Wayne Rooney will be in MLS soon. He just doesn't know it yet.
blog comments powered by Disqus
    KKTC Bahis Siteleri, Online Bahis



    Privacy Policy