A mid-major power, the two biggest chokers without three lions on their shirts, and the Germans, who will, like they always do, win with ruthless efficiency.

Uruguay are like the poor kids in an American sports movie. Forlan is the main character, the talented kid surrounded by dweebs, and Suarez is the bad boy who joins up later just before the dweebs discover that they are actually all fundamentally perfect, if unspectacular players perfectly suited to showcase the talent of the other two. And good on Suarez for the handball. It was cynical, calculated, and utterly brilliant. Every Ghanaian has the right to despise him and curse his existence, just like Americans will always hate Torsten Frings, the English will hate Diego Maradona, and the Irish will hate Thierry Henry, but who among us wouldn't have done the same?

Spain should be walking over everyone, but they seem to have decided that Villa and Casillas are the only ones who actually have to do anything. Poor Cesc Fabregas has to sit on the bench and watch Fernando Torres's uncanny impersonation of an atrociously unfit and unready footballer struggling to make an impact on the most crucial and demanding stage there is. I mean, even Bobby Tracksuit bit the bullet and benched Gooch when it came down to it. (Also, props to Bobbo for having the decency to put on a polo shirt to go on national TV. That wasn't so hard, was it? He's like a kid who hates his church clothes.)

I love Dutch football, but if there's a team I don't want to win the World Cup, it's the Netherlands. Cruijff, van Basten, and Bergkamp never won a World Cup, but Nigel de Jong and Dirk Kuyt might? I thought Suarez was cynical, but Mark van Bommel made him look like a college freshmen at her first PETA meeting. Total football, this is not.

And finally, die Mannschaft. I think Gary Lineker said it best. "Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win." Michael Ballack who? Miroslav Klose has scored more goals in this World Cup as he did all last season in the Bundesliga. That's not even a joke, that's a fact. Other teams are good, but the Germans have now reached the Semis in 12 of the 19 World Cups that have been played, more than anyone else (and for most of that time, they were playing without half the country). Who would have thought that Germans are good at World Domination?

But enough about far-off tournaments full of mincing foreigners. MLS is back, Baby! And with it, the biggest Landon Donovan love-fest since he knocked up that Scouse girl with another player who will score 0 goals for England in 2034.

Speaking of future World Cups, can someone please scrounge a passport for my boy Danny Mwanga? In his last six games, the only one he didn't score in was the one where Michael Orozco decided Kansas City was too hot and he needed an early shower and the next game off. And he's just 18. The boy won't be able to properly celebrate his inevitable Rookie of the Year Award.

And while we're on the subject of Awards, it's All-Star time! This year it's the ManU players who weren't at the World Cup and who aren't still on vacation. Gabriel Obertan, your time has come. For what it's worth, here are my actual ASG ballot picks:

Chris Seitz, Danny Califf, Jordan Harvey, Cristian Arrieta, Stefani Miglioranzi, Roger Torres, Fred, Sebastien Le Toux, Danny Mwanga, Jack McInerny, Alejandro Moreno

Multiplied by the 80 or so times I've voted so far.

Shut up. It's as much of a tradition for the expansion team to stuff the ballot as it is for MLS to beat up on the reserves of foreign teams just coming back from vacation.

For the sake of balance, here were my votes for our Goal.com writers/editors/tea boys poll:

Donovan Ricketts, Tim Ream, Chad Marshall, Nat Borchers, Kyle Beckerman, Landon Donovan, Ryan Smith, Sebastien Le Toux, Dwayne DeRosario, Edson Buddle, Juan Pablo Angel

Yes, it's a 3-1-6, but who wants to vote for defensive players?
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