12:40 PM “The most envied league in the world is back!” booms Sky Sports minutes before Chelsea and Hull kick off the new season. Even despite the faintly ridiculous way in which the commentator deepens his voice to emphasise the occasion, the wholly unnecessary fireworks and confetti graphics being strewn across the screen for a game involving Hull (sorry, Jozy) and the apparent inevitability of the result, it is great to have it back.

With nought but hollow pre-season tournaments and the barely credible distraction of Wimbledon to occupy us all season long the return of the genuine Saturday experience is more than welcome. Sitting in front of the TV with a pint in one hand and my Chelsea-supporting friend across the room it really does feel good. Bring it on.

1:10 PM With half an hour of the game gone my mate’s mood is decidedly less cheery and any of his pre-season optimism and light-heartedness has gone. Stephen Hunt, the feisty Irish Hull winger who was responsible two years ago for Petr Cech’s headgear today, has been booed throughout, his every touch met by a chorus of obscenities. He scores, of course, to put Hull 1-0 up over Chelsea. Who says this league is predictable?

1:20 PM Alright, it’s a kinda predictable league. Chelsea get their equaliser with a stunning free-kick from Drogba, who has been firing hot-and-cold thus far. The ball dips and swerves and finds the bottom left corner of the net. Cristiano who?

2:35 PM Alright, alright. It’s a predictable league. With the game nearing its end the fourth official indicates there are to be six added minutes. Hull manager Phil Brown laughs into his headset in disbelief. Drogba scores again. Chelsea win. My mate makes the short walk home happy, while the Hull fans have a 4 hour bus journey in which to contemplate the cruelty of the EPL.

3:00 PM No time for me to dwell on it though, as, across the country, twelve other EPL sides kick off. My attention will be mostly placed on how Man City will cope with the combined opponents of the rough-and-ready Blackburn Rovers and the weight of expectation.

3:30 PM Quite easily, it seems! Adebayor shows his £25m value by scoring in the third minute, placing the ball past the goalie into the net from 20 yards.

3:35 PM Darren Bent, of Twittering twattery, scores for Sunderland.

3:30 PM Around the league football assumes its natural and methodic course. Fulham score. West Ham score. Stoke score. Wigan score. Stoke score again. It’s nice, it’s familiar, but it’s not thrilling. I’m going to make a cup of tea.

4:45 PM The Most Exciting League in the World© has let itself down somewhat, as its first set of matches draw to a close. The two promoted teams both lost, Chelsea and Man City both won... with only one game left in today’s schedule the opening day is in danger of being a somewhat underwhelming affair.

5:30 PM The final game of the day, Everton vs Arsenal, kicks off. Both teams will have high hopes for the season, while Tim Howard will want to get Azteca’s memories behind him. We should be in for a close game.

7:30 PM And then that happened. Just when you think the EPL has been resorted to its usual predictability it throws a 6-1 score-line at you. Tim Howard won’t have enjoyed it, and neither will the 30,000 or so Everton fans who paid £30 to witness it, but it has given the opening day a story, an edge. It has given its fans something of a hint of things to come. We’re glad it’s back.

It has not been the most enjoyable week for Tim Howard.

Losing at Azteca on Wednesday was gutting enough, but even that was somehow topped upon his return to England for the beginning of the EPL, as he conceded six goals as his side were demolished by Arsenal. Welcome home, Tim.

At least there was none of the 82nd minute heartache that marked the end of the Mexico defeat. Howard and his team were already 3-0 down at half-time, defeat all but a formality. Three more goals in the second half confirmed defeat, even despite a late Everton goal.

For a team with hopes of breaking into the top-4 this was a shock result for Everton. Arsenal are good, yes, but they are not 6-1 good, and the result is especially galling when you consider the Arsenal are the weakest of the Big Four© - the team Everton would most likely have to finish above if they wish to realise their dream of Champions League football. While only Day 1, this was something of a message from Arsenal – a reminder that Everton have a long, long way to go.