Welcome, fellow footy fans! It's your favorite pro-promotion proselytizers again, the Revolutionary Council for American Soccer Change. As we all watch Premiership football every weekend, we figured it was time to release guidelines on how you should be watching, to make sure you're doing it properly.

Step 1: Finding the right pub
This is a crucial step. Watching at home or in the presence of too many other Americans lacks the proper atmosphere. It's not just about watching footy, it's about the whole experience. Since you can't find a real football atmosphere in the States, locate a pub preferably owned, staffed, and patronized by expatriate Brits or Irish. Australians will work in a pinch.

Step 2: Act the part
It may be 8:00 on a Saturday morning, but dedication to authenticity doesn't follow a schedule. Always have the replica kit top of your team's newest big-money signing to show how up-to-date you are. When talking to ex-pats, use as much of their native slang as possible to show that you understand their culture. A bad referee is a "wanker." A talented footballer is "quality." Under no circumstances should you ever call the game "soccer." (The usage of the term in our organisation's name is ironic. The Brits, and true footy fans, unlike the vast majority of ignorant Americans, get irony). Mention how much you like Georgie Best.

Step 3: You are what you eat
Being true to the soul of the beautiful game can work up quite the thirst and hunger. Stay authentic by drinking only true pub draughts. Try to match your drink to a current or past sponsor of your club. Leeds fans can drink Strongbow Cider. Members of the Toon Army will enjoy Newcastle Brown Ale. Liverpool fans should learn to like Carlsberg. When it comes to food, order authentic dishes like Fish & Chips or Shepherd's Pie. If you have to order french fries, call them "chips."

Step 4: Enjoy the match
There's a lot to remember, so this one gets forgotten sometimes. It is however, one of the most important. Your satisfaction at watching in the correct manner should serve to enhance your enjoyment at watching the mighty (blues/reds/insert affectionate nickname that demonstrates how "in the know" you are here) storm over their hapless opponents and the dirty local bastards that support them and don't have the decency to follow a proper club like you did.
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