What the hell are they wearing?

Predictions are generally useless. If we held all of the so-called "experts" in any sport to the predictions they make at the beginning of a season, they wouldn't have credibility at all. This is particularly true in Major League Soccer, where parity means you have just as much chance of getting your predictions right as Chad Barrett does of winning the Golden Boot. Essentially nil.


Now watch Barrett go and lead the league this year in goals, just to spite me.


But I digress. Right there on page one of the "Soccer Blogger's Rule Book" is the requirement that we make predictions in whichever league we make our focus. It's rule 1.3 actually, right after "Bloggers must create a list of no real consequence at least every fifth post or be subject to censure and/or fine" and "Any post on an individual player must include the words 'quality' and 'technical' at least once respectively."


So here we go, with 2010 predictions that will ultimately prove egregiously incorrect when the season ends at MLS Cup in November.


Eastern Conference


1. Columbus Crew

If I was to account for potential injury, I might not have Columbus at the top of the East. Guillermo Barros Schelotto is 37 years old, after all, and I wonder if he'll make it through the entire season. Columbus relies heavily on the Argentine, so if he's goes down for any length of time they'll be in big trouble. Still, there's no reason to doubt them after they won Supporters' Shield last year after an early rough patch.


2. Chicago Fire

The outlook that the Fire will contend is based purely on potential; Collins John is a nice addition, and maybe Marco Pappa is ready to step up, but without Blanco there's reason to believe they could fall short. Keep in mind that the club was maddeningly inconsistent in 2009, and though they missed out on MLS Cup only on penalties, there are no guarantees. Still, there's talent there and I just can't find another team in the East I believe in more.


3. DC United

It's a crap shoot from here on out. United should be better, and if Curt Onalfo can find a consistent first choice lineup, they'll already be better off than they were in 2009. Perkins in goal should help, new talent up top should help (but is it the right talent?) and maybe the old war horse Moreno has one more good year left in him. I'm not saying I'm confident United will be good, but I can't say I rate anyone of the remaining teams in the East above them. With a weak East, though, it still might not be enough to make the playoffs.


4. New York Red Bulls

I'm banking on a stadium bump here, because if any team should see a larger increase in their ability to win games because of atmosphere, it's New York. I've only seen them play once during the pre-season, their win over Santos, and a cursory look shows an improved team over 2009. And that was without Juan Pablo Angel. Again, the Eastern Conference after Columbus amounts to throwing darts, and the Red Bulls would seem to fit in the middle of the pack. Call it a hunch, but I'm guessing New York will be on the verge of the playoffs (but ultimately come up short).


5. Toronto FC

Will Toronto scores goals? Will Toronto keep other teams from scoring goals? Will Mo Johnston last the season if they don't? These are the questions that don't keep me up at night but nonetheless make it difficult to assess Toronto's chances. I will say that I feel much less confident about the club's playoffs hopes than I did in 2009, and we saw how that worked out. This year I'll pick them to finish out of the money, and they'll probably jump up and make the postseason. They have the crowd at BMO, and with a grass field, there shouldn't be excuses about the surface anymore.


6. New England Revolution

Steve Nichol is a damn good coach. The Revs have several very talented players. But over the long haul of a season, that only counts for so much, and I'm finding more reasons the Revolution won't make the playoffs than why they will. Shalrie Joseph and the ten dwarfs will need more than a little luck to be better than also-rans this year.


7. Philadelphia Union

Expansion years are tough, Seattle's ruining of the curve notwithstanding, and Piotr Nowak has a doubly tough task due to a brutal opening schedule. Eight of ten on the road with a young team equals struggles around, and though I'm sure the fans in Philly will stick with their new club no matter what, they might have to weather a rough season. Good thing they'll have the newness of it all (players, stadium, experience) to distract them. I am anxious to see some of the kids the Union have on their squads develop.


8. Kansas City Wizards

"Unsettled" doesn't begin to describe the situation in KC; new full time coach (although he's a holdover and the team's technical director), tons of squad turnover, and a decidedly international flavor to their off-season signings. Conrad and Arnaud are still there, but there's no Hartman or Lopez. What does that mean? Last in the East if you ask me.


Playoff teams: Columbus, Chicago


Western Conference


1. Seattle Sounders

The Sounders made the playoffs in their inaugural MLS season, gave Houston a run in their series (though they couldn't score), bring back all of their most important pieces and will get a summer bump with the acquisition of Blaise N'Kufo. Sigi Schmid clearly knows what he's doing, and as long as Kasey Keller and Freddie Ljungberg don't fall off a cliff with their form, the Sounders should be contenders for the West and Supporters' Shield crown all season.


2. Real Salt Lake

Amazingly enough, I had Real Salt Lake as one of the favorites before the year in 2009, and though they ultimately disappointed during the regular season, my faith in them was rewarded when they made their MLS Cup run. Beckerman, Morales, Findley, and co., should be primed, buoyed by their title, and ready for an large improvement in record. RSL could easily win the West if a few things fall their way.


3. Los Angeles Galaxy

Okay, so they won't get David Beckham back until the end of the season at the very best, and Landon Donovan may be due for a post-World Cup lull at some point; but I don't put the Galaxy here because of their offensive process, but because of their defensive abilities. If Omar Gonzalez can avoid a sophomore slump and Donovan Ricketts is near his 2009 form, LA will again keep teams from scoring and give themselves the chance to win matches tight matches.


4. Chivas USA

No more Preki, but I don't expect anything different out of Chivas. They're a consistent playoff team these days, and 2010 shouldn't be any different. Sacha Kljestan faded in 2009 after his winter transfer fell through, and though I'm no real fan of the midfielder, I'm predicting a bounce-back performance from his this year; especially if he doesn't make the US World Cup roster and decides he has something to prove. Still, just like their stadium-mates the Galaxy, Chivas will rely on a stout defense and the goalkeeping talents of Zach Thornton.


5. Colorado Rapids

Colorado's failure in 2009 came down to road form; they'll have to do much better than two wins and five draws if they hope to get back to the playoffs. Colorado still has Omar Cummings and Conor Casey, one of the best forward tandems in the league, leadership in Pablo Mastroeni, and picked up Jeff Larentowicz in a trade with New England during the off-season. Colorado is a playoff team for me.


6. Houston Dynamo

I'm playing with fire here, I know. Best coach in the league, talented players like Brian Ching, Geoff Cameron, Brad Davis among others, and a passionate fan base that gives them a solid home advantage. But the losses of Ricardo Clark and Stuart Holden would seem too much to overcome so quickly, and so I have Houston as a bottom-half team in the Western Conference. Still, they'll contend for the playoffs when it's all said and done thanks to the aforementioned Kinnear and the influence of their returning core of players.


7. FC Dallas

That was a nice run to end the season in '09, wasn't it? Jeff Cunningham was almost unstoppable in winning the Golden Boot, and FCD managed to lead the league in goals when it was all said and done. But they started slow, something which ultimately doomed them, and I see no reason to believe that this year will be any different. Hyndman is a college coach playing at the professional game, and my faith in his ability to push his team to the next level is supremely lacking.


8. San Jose Earthquakes

I like Frank Yallop. He just doesn't have a very good team out in San Jose, and I say this after picking them to make the playoffs in 2009. Ryan Johnson is just about the only player I can get excited about seeing, and that doesn't bode well for a team that finished bottom of the conference last year. Yallop seems to have the backing of Lew Wolff and the organization, but I wonder when patience will finally run out. Not only do I predict the Quakes will finish last again, I'm going to put it out there that Yallop might be the first firing of 2010.


Playoff teams: Seattle, RSL, LA, Chivas, Colorado, Houston


That's right, I've got six teams from the West in the playoffs while only the two automatic qualifiers make it out of the East. Again, call it a hunch.


Supporters' Shield: Seattle Sounders

Eastern Conference Champion: Columbus Crew
Western Conference Champion: Seattle Sounders


MLS Champion: Seattle Sounders


I have almost no faith in any of these picks. Damn parity. Still, what I do know is that the West appears to have a glut of good teams while the East looks extremely weak from after the top two spots.


Rather than tell me where I'm wrong (because trust me, I know there's a lot to argue with here), throw your picks out in the comments. The season starts in 2 (!) days.