- Keith Hickey

UPS Guy: Could you sign here, Mr. Arena?


Bruce Arena: What's this?


UPS Guy: Overnight delivery from Sandy, Utah. Contents: Your ass. On a plate.


We all knew David Beckham would play a part in the rise of Major League soccer's first superclub. We just didn't know he'd be ball-watching as that team steamrolled the Galaxy.

I'd say RSL would have to work hard to hold onto Jason Kreis, but as we saw from his time as a player, he could manage Real Madrid to the treble and be ignored by the Federation. He must have left one hell of a clogged toilet at Soccer House.

Speaking of massive turds, I'm convinced the Sounders will never win another game. Ever. Like Seattle needed any more help in the "most depressing city on Earth" category. There are kids in Beirut who feel bad for Seattle. How do you make lime green look gray?

Toronto beat Portland, meaning that while the Timbers will be out of the playoffs by mid-July, TFC's hopes will extend until at least late July.

My Union are top of the East, and haven't given up a goal yet this season. Granted, our two games were against Houston and Vancouver and we're more boring than a Merchant-Ivory film, but if the Galaxy play like they did in Sandy, we'll make it three clean on the trot. Now if we can just pull a Nancy Kerrigan on Landon Donovan...

Surprise of the week has got to be Columbus's draw against New York. Either the East is stronger than everyone thought, or New York can't score as many goals missing their two starting strikers. (Yeah, I'm going with the latter. The East is about as deep as a Wayans Brothers Movie.)

It's nice to see Chris Wondolowski picking up where he left off last season. He's the new Jason Kreis. In that he'll get about eight caps and maybe a Gold Cup call-up.

And Dallas, giving Wondowloski time to turn and shoot and failing to mark the golden boot winner while being unable to clear a dangerous ball in the box? Seems like the hoops could use some sort of energetic defensive midfielder with leadership abilities, no? Perhaps a Ginger, if I may be allowed to make the point even more blatantly obvious?

On a final note, it's nice to see D.C. acting like a big club again and bitching about refs. Of course, this is MLS we're talking about, so they probably have a point.