So it's not what anyone would call a "rivalry", and the English themselves aren't particularly nervous (at not least not from what I can tell) about facing off against the Yanks on Saturday. Theirs is a World Cup title goal, and the match in Rustenburg just a formality, even if expectations are running more in the "knocked out on pens in the semis" realm. But this is the biggest group game in history for American soccer fans for very simple reasons. We share a language. We trade cultural touchstones regularly, and many of their celebs are our celebs and vice-versa. They have the richest, most visible, and most accessible league in the world, a league those of us who love Major League Soccer can only dream our little league will one day measure up to.


Yes, the Americans need to play well against Algeria and Slovenia to advance, and the knowledgeable among us are certainly aware of that fact; but beating the English would be such a monumental achievement that it has naturally drawn the lion's share of our attention.


And it's not about hating the English, at least not for most of us. This is a good-natured kind of vitriol we're trying to work up, the kind that lasts for a days during the buildup and a few hours during the match but then dissipates quickly like a silly grudge over who gets the last slice of pizza. There's no real animosity, just a little brother-big brother dynamic (which switches depending if the subject is world influence or soccer) that leads to noogies and hair pulling and the occasional Indian burn.


Rivalry is mutual dislike, the type of thing that usually gets labeled "derby" across the pond, and which spawns name-calling and the occasional meathead brawl. This is not that. This is one-sided. The game against England, at least for American fans, is an epic test of our footballing chops; but until we beat them, and who knows when we'll have another chance to in a meaningful competition, the dynamic is more akin to Red Sox-Yankees pre-2004 than it is Red Sox-Yankees post-2004. Why would the dominate team, whose place in the world is relatively secure, give a second thought to the upstart who have never won anything?


"Cute" is the word that Yankees fans derisively threw the Boston faithful before 2004. "They think they're our rivals. Haha."


But the Red Sox beat the Yankees, didn't they? And in shocking style when the New Yorkers thought they had the thing all but won. This immediately changed the dynamic, naturally, forcing Yankee fans to deal with the fact that they weren't all that superior anymore. Things had changed, rather jarringly, and the real rivalry began.


International soccer is obviously a much different animal than Major League Baseball, and so I apologize for the imperfect analogy. But the American fans simply want to show the English that we can play the game, and play it well enough to matter in their world; no one wants to be the ignored little brother in a relationship, desperate to get a little attention and respect, and often acting out to do so.


1950 and the U.S. victory over England in Belo Horizonte was a long time ago, and even the historically minded among the English are quick to dismiss it as a fluke of circumstance. Which of course it mostly was; as wonderful as the upset happened to be from a story standpoint, it gives American soccer fans little satisfaction sixty years later. We weren't taking the sport that seriously then, and didn't for the subsequent forty years. But we are taking it seriously now, which is why a win on Saturday would mean so much to our fairly fragile (no offense USMNT fans) psyches. Red Sox fans were a mess of nerves and inferiority complexes before 2004. It comes with the territory.


So, my English friends who frequent this blog and any others who may happen by, take no offense at things like #hateEnglandweek on Twitter or people that might play up the "rivalry" by evoking Revolutionary War themes or questionable images. We really, really, want to win, and expressions of that passionate desire sometimes take odd forms.


Hopefully, by this time on Saturday, this really will be a rivalry.


Cheers!