Bun Jorno, Amigos!
Back again, it's your favorite bi-nationally-curious Jersey Boy coming at you with another message of World Cup flavor flav. How tight was that opening ceremony last week? Fergie was off the hook, you know it! And then Alicia Keys sang Empire State of Mind! She sounded almost as good as a stadium full of vuvzelas! And of course Shakira brought it like a bagged lunch, that's my girl! I'm buying whatever she's selling! Unless it's the chance to play for the USA. I don't want that. Anyway, I love music. It's like art with your mouth and stuff. Being a North Jersey Boy, you know I'm all about the Springsteen. Except for "Born in the USA." I don't listen to that one as much. Also, since it's South Africa, where was my boy Dave Matthews? That woulda made it the freaking bomb, you know?
Anyway, this week was craaazy. My mom didn't wash my clothes, and me and my cousin Nicky D were planning on going to the mall and standing by the spray tan place with a copy of ESPN Magazine until somebody recognized me, so I was all crazy rushed. I'm all like "Ma, where's my Ed Hardy jawn?" And she's being ignorant, pretending like she doesn't know which one I mean. But like the knowledge bomb Jesus dropped in the Dead Sea Scrolls, you gotta be tight with your momma, so I tell her the white one, and she's all like "You ripped it in half to try to impress that girl at the movies." And I'm all like "No ma, the other white one. The one one with the big ass dragon thing on it." And then she's all like "That's pink, honey, and you're wearing it." And you know what? I WAS. Man, I'm such a ditz sometimes. If I didn't have my Italy passport, I wouldn't even know what country I'm from!
And speaking of my country, how weaksauce was that Paraguay game? It looked to me like they were missing a bit of that Jersey magic, am I right? But it ain't your boy's way to be bitter, and that stupid-looking hater Lippi can go jump off a pier for all I care, I'll be back stronger than ever after a nice long summer of GTL and going to the clubs. I bet one of these days, they'll even let me in one! Germany looked crazy good in their game, and Japan won, so we're just an Italy win away from looking good for an Axis Powers reunification! Switzerland got a dope win too, and since they're basically just Italy's Canada, gotta give some mad props to them. I bet some of them want to be Italian almost as much as I do. And you know who else looked sweet? The Korean teams. They would be so good if they combined them. Somebody should get to working on that.
That's all for now, but I'll be back later to blast you with my knowledge juice, so sit tight!
Freshin' my look in Sandy Hook,
Gio XOXOXOX
