You may have heard that FA President Prince William, he of the early onset male pattern baldness to put Arjen Robben to shame, gave a pre-World cup pep talk to members of the England national team. You will not have heard, however, of the meeting between the England team and William's grandfather, Prince Philip.
Prince William: ...And now that I'm finished, my grandfather would like to have a quick word, gents.
Prince Philip: Hello, plebeian simpletons. I hear you're going to play against those uppity colonials and some of those dreadful foreign people who keep coming into our country and stealing all of our empire. Now, where's that conniving bastard Billy Wright?
David Beckham: I think the airplane's waiting at Heathrow, mister Queen mum.
Prince Philip: Shut up, David. I thought we got rid of you?
David Beckham: I'm here to do my name in joined-up-writing on pictures up me.
Prince William: Err, this is one of our defenders, Glen Johnson.
Glen Johnson: A privilege to meet you, your Highness.
Prince Philip: Oh, are you the one who slept with John Terry?
Prince William: Grandfather, that's grossly inappropriate.
Glen Johnson: No, no, it's okay. I had to do a lot of things to make the squad. A lot of things I'm not proud of. But it wasn't like I was going to make it on merit, was I?
Prince Philip: Here's my son Edward's phone number. I have a feeling that the two of you would get along nicely.
Prince William: He's really a nice fellow. Gave me a Lady Gaga box set for Christmas. Now, here's one of our strikers, Peter Crouch.
Prince Philip: Are you the one diddling the Clancy girl?
Peter Crouch: Erm, yes, sir?
Prince Philip: Get in, son. Give her one from me?
Peter Crouch: Yes, sir. Absolutely
Prince William: That was thoroughly disgusting. Speaking of which, these gentlemen here are our captain Steven Gerrard, striker Wayne Rooney, and defender Jamie Carragher.
Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney, and Jamie Carragher: (Indecipherable stream of Scouse ramblings)
Prince Philip: My, you're depressingly common, aren't you?
Steven Gerrard: Ta, yeah, tha's right. Deffo common like.
Prince Philip: And that animal is our captain? I hope we have some real leadership somewhere around here.
Fabio Capello: It is a great honor to meet you, Prince Philip.
Prince Philip: Eugh! Boy! Why is there some filthy continental here with the England team?
Prince William: That's Fabio Capello, sir. He's the manager. We hired a foreign one this time.
Prince Philip: Well, at least he's not that arse-kisser McClaren. That idiot thinks he's Dutch now.
